The runners-up, close but no cigar.....

They are doing some wonderful things with clear plastics these days... - John Donahoe

The life-size cardboard Knopfler Umbrella Holder was the final straw in a long line of increasingly preposterous merchandising ideas - Dan Clark

"Eager as ever to tune and grease Marks guitars after playing, Glenn Saggers fails to spot that Mark hadn`t quite finished before swiping his beloved Strat" - Alan Pomfrett

Mark Knopfler wax work has guitar stolen!!!! - Heath Christy

thanks to everyone who sent in a caption. We certainly had a laugh

the best of the rest......

Anyone play the guitar around here? - Dr S Nag

MK: "You mean, play it with MORE mojo root? And less 'true love figurine'?" - kathy

"And you insert the irrigation tube like this....." - Simon Shrouder

Is this how Clapton, Gilmour, and Gill do it? - Kenny Frizzell

'You see, my true vocation was the bagpipes!' - graeme dunbar

Mark : "Well, you see, Glenn, this is the new invisible guitar that causes NO finger damage !!!" - Michael

Mark is learning how to play the Uillean pipes ? - smb

If I'd known Rolling Stone magazine was gonna do a photo shoot today, I would have brought my guitar.photographer:
Don't worry, Mark. We'll fix it up in Photoshop. - Max

"It's true I tell you - in these new fangled planes they're building you don't have to leave your seat, you just hold the bottle tube type thingy here and just pee straight into it..." - Felicity

"My name is Mark and I'm a guitaraholic - I've been without my guitar now for 10 minutes but it's not easy you know". - Lee

Mark Knopfler or Nigel Tufnell? You decide. - G. Nichols

"Hey ! Who had put some glue on my strings ?! I am paralysed now." - Olivier

"Listen Guy !!, Firstly, You're Late again !! , Secondly, Your shirts are getting worse !! , Thirdly, You baffle me with your Technical Knowledge on your website !! ...and Lastly "Tell That DUFFY guy that YES We WILL Be Playing 'Local Hero' at Shepherds Bush And Beaulieu so he finally gets to hear it LIVE !!!!!!" - Alan Duffy

"Ok, guys. I got this idea for a concept album. We all play air instruments in it. I think it will be the next big thing with the kids. It may land us on the MTV again." - Max

"Mark, the guitar your imaginary friend gave you does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny, either." - Dave Kopec

Or Doctors fear that there might not be another mark Knopfler album as riggormortis sets in during latest recording session!!!

"Hey guys....this 'less is more thing' .... how does it work again?" - Dermot O'Reilly

This is how Mason & Dixon really figured it out.

Hey Glen if you play the bass like this you wont get a groove in your finger

Mark, wearing the same shirt from that memorable Spanish bullring concert, explains how he took the local denizen by the horns - William Buckland

"So I said hey Juliet, I got your Romeo right here!" - Kary

".... you can never find a tennis racquet when you need one...."-T.Jones

"And when I held it like this, she jumped up and said, 'I would love to get my hands on your instrument!'" - Alex Bilbrey

The secret of Knopfler's fretboard wizardry was finally revealed when a control room security camera caught him red-handed as he surreptitiously clicked his RobopinkieT into place. - Carl

"Guitar legend Mark Knopfler's red Strat was stolen by an astute thief last week, who was faster than the eye could flick. Knopfler was left stunned and motionless in the recording studio. We're unable to say if he'll ever recover from that shock." - Miriam

It became obvious that magicians were not welcome during the sessions. - Bruce

Pyroman? Mark strikes an impromptu Spiderman pose complete with red outfit and web-shooters. - Corey Pasta

Mark's advice to new musicians - "When starting out in the music business, it's good to have another career option to fall back on, and 'air guitarist' to 'sperm donator' is an easy transition!" - Jesse Poole

Rock Dinosaur becomes fossilised. - P.Nichols

"I call this one 'The Jelly Fish'" - The Great Man unveils a startling vocation for shadow puppetry - Dan Clark

"So there I was on stage in front of 35,000 people, and I knew I'd forgotten something..." -Linus Wallin

As Mark spends another wonderful week in Nashville, he shows off his favorite technique as he shouts, "Ride 'em, Cowboy!"- Susie K.

Police still looking for the stolen Guitar from the Mark Knopfler statue at Madame Tussauds. - Mr. Sanjeeb Mohanty

MK : "I swear to you, Guy, I didn't shake the bottle, I just held it like this and suddenly : BANG!!! I'm very sorry, how's your nose?" - Michiel Claessens

Indulging uncharacteristic self-disclosure, Mark describes where he located Little Nell. -kathy

I'm telling you guys, that lake trout I caught was at least 6 kilograms and 5 feet long. - Sammera

Pay attention Kids, it's all in the wrists. Set those wrists and the fingers will follow. - AJ

"My name is Mark Knopfler and I belong to AA----Air guitars Anonymous"!!!!!
"Anyone seen Clapton??,he,s pinched my guitar for one of his charity auctions!!"
"Clapton said I would forget stuff one day,ah well,at least I,m younger than he is!!!" - Phil Bayliss

" Hey guy, how do you tune this thing??? - Don Parish

While recording his solo on "The Sound of Silence" Mark suddently realises he's got the chords wrong. - Kjeld

"And then this goodlooking girl gave me a didgeridoo, but there was no manual avalable. I really didnt know how to play it." - Filip Straetemans

" This picture was taken several weeks after the intense recording sessions in Nashville, and as you can see , Mark is still having serious trouble getting his hands back in normal position." -Hans Heggheim-

Mark: "Guy, Im worried. I think I have lost my guitar feeling. Could we try 012's on this guitar?" - foo!

"I`m telling you doctor. It has been like that since i woked up this morning" - Brian Jensen

Twelve hours of playing in the studio, and my arms are stuck like this again. My wife is gonna kill me!! - Eric S.

No Kidding... bigger than this... - Vitor Ribeiro

hey guy, with this new music, all i wanna do is dance the Tango - Vitor Ribeiro

"Oh no - look what happend to my white t-shirt and my red fender has shrunk...When will I learn never to wash them together?" - Claus

Rudy, can you build another one that fits me like this? - Simon Anderson

"Life size Mark Knopfler doll! Give him his guitar* and he starts playing** Sultans of Swing!!! *guitar not included (Fender Stratocaster available for 500£) **batteries not included - Michiel Claessens

"After dropping his red strat, Mark Knopfler was trying to think of what else there was that could be attracting that fast approaching bull..." - Michiel Claessens

A moment later Mark started searching for his glasses... - tiina koskinen

To be or not to be ? - pAS.

An anxious mark knopfler tries his utmost to get the basics in his accordion lessons but he just wont let go and use the new finger arrangements. - ciaran

"Doc, it hurts when I do this!" - Jeff Arthur

Oh my god! I'ts a boy! - Olivier